I'm Queer, Not Gay. The Difference Matters.

A headline recently caught my attention. It said: 'I'm Gay, Not Queer. It Matters.' I felt uncomfortable right away. I am a Black, queer person living in America. My first thought was: is the author white and cisgender?

Words matter deeply in the LGBTQ+ community. The word 'queer' has a long and painful history. For many years, people used it as an insult. They said it to hurt LGBTQ+ people. But many in the community took that word back. They made it a word of pride and power.

For some people, 'gay' feels like the right word. That is completely valid. Everyone can choose their own label. But 'queer' means something different. It is broader and more inclusive. It includes people who are bisexual, nonbinary, gender fluid, and more. It is not just about who you love. It is also about who you are.

For Black LGBTQ+ people, the word 'queer' can feel especially important. The mainstream gay community has not always been welcoming. Black queer people have often felt left out. The word 'queer' can feel like a safer and more honest home.

Race and identity are connected. A white, cisgender gay man may experience life very differently. He may not face racism. He may not face the same barriers. His experience of being LGBTQ+ is not the same as everyone else's experience.

This does not mean one identity is better than another. It means our community is diverse. We come from many backgrounds. We use different words. We have different needs. And that is okay.

Telling someone that 'gay' is better than 'queer' ignores this diversity. It can feel like erasing part of our community. Language is powerful. The words we choose reflect our values and our history.

The word 'queer' is mine. It fits me. It holds my full identity as a Black person and as someone who does not fit neatly into simple categories. I am queer. And that matters very much.