The Friend Who's Always Late (And His Excuses)

Every gay friend group has one: that person who's never on time. And their excuses just keep getting more creative.

Every friend group has one. That one friend who's always late. In ours, it's Marco.

We agree to meet at eight. Marco arrives at nine. With a story.

The Excuse Universe

Marco's excuses are an art form. They're never boring. They're never short.

Last week it was the neighbor's dog. Stuck in a downspout. Marco had to help.

Before that, a delivery guy. Rang the wrong doorbell. Marco gave him coffee.

And the week before? An elderly woman at the supermarket. Couldn't reach the toilet paper.

So Marco is basically a saint. He tells us this himself quite often.

It starts at quarter to eight. First the three dots. Then silence. Then the dots again.

Ten minutes later, the message arrives. On my way! With an exclamation mark.

We know what that means. Marco is still in the shower. Or he's looking for a shirt.

Thomas always starts typing. Which shirt today, Marco? Marco doesn't answer. He's standing in front of the mirror.

Because choosing a shirt isn't a quick decision. Especially not for Marco.

When Marco finally walks in, it's theater. Arms wide. Big smile.

Darlings, I'm so sorry! Like he's winning an Oscar. Like we're going to applaud.

He kisses everyone three times. He orders a wine right away. And then the story begins.

Always with: You won't believe it. Well Marco, actually, we won't.

But we listen anyway. Because it's well told. Marco should be a writer.

We've tried everything. We once said: Marco, we're eating at seven.

We thought we were clever. Then he'd arrive at eight. Right on time.

Marco showed up at nine. Because he'd figured out we were lying. He was offended.

Since then we just tell him the real time. And we calmly have a drink. Without him.

That first hour without Marco is actually rather nice. Peaceful. Cozy. The snacks stay warm.

Recently Thomas asked straight up. Marco, why are you always late?

Marco thought for a moment. He took a sip of wine. He looked very serious.

Then he said: Honey, you don't make an entrance at eight o'clock.

We had to laugh. Because he was right. Marco isn't a guest. Marco is an event.

And an event starts when the event starts. Not when the invitation says so.

So now we invite him for six. For a dinner at eight. Everyone's happy.

Except Marco. He thinks six is really quite early.